Anger and cheerfulness

I have been angry for over a week now - not all the time but - a quiet brooding anger that surfaced and has now fallen back down below the level where it can resurface as rage. I have had anger isues a lot of my life, I may have not got the red hair but I got the quick temper. That is all it is; a quick temper, it flares up, surfaces and then goes away, no sulking or brooding or anything like that, it rarely lasts for more than minutes and at the most an hour I find that as my core in life is to enjoy every minute that time wasted sulking or with other negative emotions is time wasted.

So why this long anger?

I think it is associated with the pain, I am now in pain nearly 24 hours a day, it is a variable pain and comes and goes in its intensity but it always there nagging. I rang the hospital to find out about my surgery and found that I was classed as routine! So my date is now the end of September - I have worked hard this past year and achieved well (have I mentioned that I got a 1st overall in my end of first year exams :D) and now because of the hospitals incompetance I am now having to wait, and I may have to defer my second year if I miss 6 weeks at the start of term. My surgeon is on holiday and they close down the theatres for 2 weeks during the summer. If I go in as an emergency I then put people with cancer down the queue - is my life less valuable than theirs I wonder - is my quality of life - which at the moment is lacking - worth putting their lives at risk so I can at least enjoy mine. I cannot eat without pain, drinking alcohol is fun I am now a cheap date - I get drunk very quickly. I am frustrated trying to decide. It's my mums 80th on the 5th August, Fitz's 21st on the 22nd so do I get my self admitted and sorted or do I wait until the pain becomes over whelming?

Someone said to me that I should not be so cheerful all the time - if I appear to be unhappy and vocalise my pain maybe the powers that be would take me more seriously - but I believe that if you act this way then it gives power to the Crohns - and I want the power - to ignore it (treating it with respect) I want it to live with me not me with it!

I love life too much to give away my power so I wil continue to be happy and strong and not let the anger out and the sadness in.

Taunting Vegans...

...or vegetarians who preach at you for eating animals...

I hate anyone who preaches that their way of life is much better and fulfilling than yours, be they doing it due to religious reasons or anything else.

In Llanidloes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Llanidloes) there is a dearth of so called do gooders who push their veganism and way of life down your throat and now it is my mission to make them think that we are all individuals and entitled to our own opinions and its not wrong its just different (my husband says this to me ... but he's a man and I know I am right when he uses this!) so stop the preaching!

I cannot eat fibre - well I can I just put it in my mouth and swallow - it brings about pain very quickly and very fiercely and debilitates me for a couple of days so I avoid it. I need protein in my diet and so eat animals - I am choosey, the ones I eat have led a nice life and have been killed humanely - I know this as I buy from a local butcher as the nearest M & S or Waitrose is over an hours drive away.

But it's my choice - I decide and don't expect people to tell me that what I do is wrong in the same way I don't tell them that they are weird for their choices!

On the same track I am also an Atheist - this doesn't make me a bad person but more on that another day.

People I Love

As a wise man once said

"The more you love, the more you can love — and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just."

This quote by Robert A Heinlein from one of my favourite books called Time Enough for Love is very true of my life, I love many people in many different ways and some of them I have never had a face to face meeting with so here are some of these people that are important to me - if you are not on my list it is mearly an omission of mind and memory not through lack of love. They are also not in any particular order so please do not feel you are low down on my list and also it is work in progress :D

Neil - my wonderful husband and soul mate
Fitz - the "ginger boy" aka Andrew - my beautiful son
El - my beautiful friend who I miss seeing every day
Nat - the future mother of my future grandchildren
Bryony - for her infectious giggle and excellent hugs
Rikke - ofc she is spying and stalking me and came to my wedding from Denmark
Andrew - the other one from uni who has the most awesome hair
Will - for being so blond :D
Connie - Brummie and beautiful
...

Second Blog

Thought I would start it with an interesting name :D

Since last I wrote it has been revision, exams, revision, exams and so on - 8 in all. I think they went pretty good in all honesty, lots of revision with the awesome revision group up in PJM makes for better confidence. I get an extra 15 mins per hour plus a 10 min break per hour if I need it but only one day did I find that I did - why is it my Crohns behaves during this time tis very strange indeed.

I finally have a date for the dietician - 12 July - by which time I will have probably had my surgery and will have no need of weird diet at all but still waiting on a date - wish it would come so I could get it over and done with so I can then recover before October.

Llani Fancy dress is coming up soon and what's the odds of me being in hospital then hmmmm

Working at the VIC (Visitor Information Centre) today so being nice to the lovely tourists here :D

Had ideas for some posts so...

My First Blog

So why start a blog now of all times - the simple answer is there is a lot in my life at the moment and much of it is very new.

I gave up my job last year, a job I loved but for one or two minor details, to move to Wales and marry the man I am passionate about. I am a student studying Environmental Biology at Aber Uni and I love it - currently I am in the middle of my end of year exams and finding them surprisingly easy as for the first time I have done much revision with my study group who are awesome.

The other reason for starting now is due to the fact that I am awaiting a date for surgery for my Crohns - this will be my 3rd lot - if you have ever met anyone with Crohns and they live their life around it - I am unlike them, it lives with me not me with it. I drink, eat most foods, and live life to the full, its a big adventure for me. During my recovery I will need something to keep me occupied - so sharing my thoughs and dreams here seems like a good idea. Also then onto my second year at uni and my second year in Wales I feel I need to write some stuff down and if anyone cares to read it that's a bonus
xx